Ramblings

because you told me we would never die, you would never let us die. the moon still shines in your hair.

my lips stay parted as if to say, 
  where are you going? 
you still haven’t told me, it’s been weeks. i’ll send the postcard to jupiter, i’ll get one back from mars. and i’ll forget to tell you how beautiful you are, how much i miss you, how saturn’s rings don’t do you justice and how you belong here at home with us. how much they loved you. how much i love you. you were always going on about god. about how god never understood you, god didn’t care. you’d say that you were going to the moon, you were going past these metaphoric clouds and you were going to see for yourself what the sky had in store for us. you were going to come back and tell me about all the wonders of the universe and we were going to lay in the grass and look at the sky and i’d close my eyes and you’d kiss my eyelids and we’d stand up and dance. the moon would shine in my hair.
where did you go?
i still miss you. your scent hasn’t left me yet, and thank god for that. every night i’m dreaming, and in the dream you’re smiling. you’re holding hands with god and you’re smiling. you’re smiling. you’re fucking smiling. i’m crying and i’m laughing and i’m staring into your eyes, everything is blurry from the tears and suddenly these two big lights, they come out of nowhere and

it hurts
every day, it hurts.