Ramblings

well, if you were looking for something i’ve never told anyone really:

every night before i go to sleep i tell my sister i love her, and she tells me she loves me too. we say it a few times and she falls asleep almost instantly, into a world of dreams i can only imagine to be more beautiful and naive than anything else in the world. while i’m laying in bed i cannot control my mind, and at least three times a week it wanders off into what i would have to do without her - the world i would live in if she were suddenly taken from me. in complete honesty i don’t think i’d be able to bear it. a majority of the time, like tonight, i start crying…and almost every night of the week i walk back into my sister’s room and make sure she’s still breathing. still dreaming, still young and learning and growing into all the things she’s destined to be. she is my absolute everything, i know other girls must understand this kind of bond but i think it’s the 10 year distance that has done it for me. i didn’t grow up with her, i am watching her grow up. the day she was born my soul must have ripped in two and that the better half must exist in her, she is every quality i could ever want in anyone. she is curious, patient, humorous, intelligent for her age, cooperative, naive. she knows when to speak and when not to, she knows (much to my approval), exactly how to push the right buttons at the right times. i know that it must be the same for a lot of people but i can’t imagine myself ever going on without her, and so when i sit by her bed at night and repeat how much i love her over and over again, it really isn’t that i’m speaking to her but more to what most would imagine God to be. i pray every night that she will grow up, get married, have children, and live a long fulfilling life in which all of her dreams and wishes come true. the only thing i genuinely pray for is her.

i don’t care if this is poorly worded or pathetic really, i just needed to put this down somewhere.